Departure day, that is. It's fast approaching, as of tomorrow it's only a week before I board the plane to Never-Never Land.
To be honest, I've been stressing. Stressing real hard over it, over certain aspects I've been waiting to fall into place. Which it all has (almost). But now I find myself actually nervous. Fluttery stomach and all. And I hate it.
I hate being nervous. I'm usually so prepared and well-versed in whatever I'm doing that nerves don't even factor into the situation. But this? I've never done this before. I'm worried about silly little things like how I'm going to find the Immigration desk at Gatwick when I get off the plane, running though the never ending to-do lists in my head (closing bank accounts, deactivating and unlocking my phone, moving all the stuff I'm not taking with me to my parents house).
I also keep coming across things scattered around the house that I forgot about, then I proceed to panic about what I'm going to do with it (move it to my parents? Take it with me? Will it fit in my suitcase? Not likely!)
Tomorrow I am visiting a good friend of mine and her baby boy, and I'm soooo looking forward to the distraction. This friend is also really good at making me feel good about myself and my decisions, so maybe that will help lower my nervousness. Plus, a cute baby to snuggle? Perfect de-stresser right there!
I have a lot to do in the next 7 days. But I'm getting closer and closer to having everything wrapped up and ready for my departure every day, and I know once my feet hit the ground in London, I will be just fine. The nerves will melt away and the excitement will take over.
Just found two of my power adapters that I forgot to pack in my suitcase, THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
Friday, January 6, 2017
What in the World
What in the world am I doing?
I am moving across the world. I'm jumping the pond and living on a prayer that everything works out when my feet hit the ground. Sure, I have a job sorted, and my visa is sorted, and this is something I have wanted to do for SO EFFING LONG.
But I am SCARED. And now I'm 11 days out from it all becoming a reality and I can't help but thinking that this is all just too much. I know I need to swallow my fear. This is such an amazing opportunity, and I logically know that no matter what happens I will be just fine, but I can't help the worry.
To quote Newt Scamander, "My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice." And I wish so hard that I could just physically pick out the worrisome thoughts and negative energy and sit it in a box, and throw the box off a damn cliff.
I've taken up this habit of turning every negative thought that crosses my mind into a positive one. Thoughts like "I'm not going to get this job" turn into "I might not get this job but that's okay because there is a better opportunity right around the corner." It sounds super corny but it actually works. (I actually did get the job, so there's that.) Mostly I'm trying to embrace this experience. The good, the bad, the frustrating, the mile long paperwork and running all over kingdom come to make sure all the deadlines are met. It will be worth it.
When all else fails and I can't remember to stay positive, I pull out the big guns. I take out my journal, and flip to this day last year. Last year at this time I was working in a job that I did not enjoy whatsoever. I was so desperate to escape this town. To do something with my life. Two years ago at this time? I was working at Tim Hortons, also desperate to escape and do something with my life.
And what am I doing this year? Escaping and doing something exciting with my life.
Also, to quote my own journal: Four years ago, you weren't contemplating insecurities, you were combating suicidal thoughts. Perspective, baby girl.
(Yeah, that's right. I refer to myself as baby girl in my journal.)
So what in the world am I doing?
Taking the chance of a lifetime.
I am moving across the world. I'm jumping the pond and living on a prayer that everything works out when my feet hit the ground. Sure, I have a job sorted, and my visa is sorted, and this is something I have wanted to do for SO EFFING LONG.
But I am SCARED. And now I'm 11 days out from it all becoming a reality and I can't help but thinking that this is all just too much. I know I need to swallow my fear. This is such an amazing opportunity, and I logically know that no matter what happens I will be just fine, but I can't help the worry.
To quote Newt Scamander, "My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice." And I wish so hard that I could just physically pick out the worrisome thoughts and negative energy and sit it in a box, and throw the box off a damn cliff.
I've taken up this habit of turning every negative thought that crosses my mind into a positive one. Thoughts like "I'm not going to get this job" turn into "I might not get this job but that's okay because there is a better opportunity right around the corner." It sounds super corny but it actually works. (I actually did get the job, so there's that.) Mostly I'm trying to embrace this experience. The good, the bad, the frustrating, the mile long paperwork and running all over kingdom come to make sure all the deadlines are met. It will be worth it.
When all else fails and I can't remember to stay positive, I pull out the big guns. I take out my journal, and flip to this day last year. Last year at this time I was working in a job that I did not enjoy whatsoever. I was so desperate to escape this town. To do something with my life. Two years ago at this time? I was working at Tim Hortons, also desperate to escape and do something with my life.
And what am I doing this year? Escaping and doing something exciting with my life.
Also, to quote my own journal: Four years ago, you weren't contemplating insecurities, you were combating suicidal thoughts. Perspective, baby girl.
(Yeah, that's right. I refer to myself as baby girl in my journal.)
So what in the world am I doing?
Taking the chance of a lifetime.
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