What in the World

What in the world am I doing? 


I am moving across the world. I'm jumping the pond and living on a prayer that everything works out when my feet hit the ground. Sure, I have a job sorted, and my visa is sorted, and this is something I have wanted to do for SO EFFING LONG. 

But I am SCARED. And now I'm 11 days out from it all becoming a reality and I can't help but thinking that this is all just too much. I know I need to swallow my fear. This is such an amazing opportunity, and I logically know that no matter what happens I will be just fine, but I can't help the worry. 

To quote Newt Scamander, "My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice." And I wish so hard that I could just physically pick out the worrisome thoughts and negative energy and sit it in a box, and throw the box off a damn cliff. 

I've taken up this habit of turning every negative thought that crosses my mind into a positive one. Thoughts like "I'm not going to get this job" turn into "I might not get this job but that's okay because there is a better opportunity right around the corner." It sounds super corny but it actually works. (I actually did get the job, so there's that.) Mostly I'm trying to embrace this experience. The good, the bad, the frustrating, the mile long paperwork and running all over kingdom come to make sure all the deadlines are met. It will be worth it. 

When all else fails and I can't remember to stay positive, I pull out the big guns. I take out my journal, and flip to this day last year. Last year at this time I was working in a job that I did not enjoy whatsoever. I was so desperate to escape this town. To do something with my life. Two years ago at this time? I was working at Tim Hortons, also desperate to escape and do something with my life. 

And what am I doing this year? Escaping and doing something exciting with my life. 

Also, to quote my own journal: Four years ago, you weren't contemplating insecurities, you were combating suicidal thoughts. Perspective, baby girl.

(Yeah, that's right. I refer to myself as baby girl in my journal.) 

So what in the world am I doing? 

Taking the chance of a lifetime.